


Regret

by bear_94



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Gen, Immortal Philza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:49:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29727198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bear_94/pseuds/bear_94
Summary: Phil, an immortal being for who knows how long, thinks back to his son, Wilburs, death.
Kudos: 8





	Regret

Memories didn’t come easy to Phil, he’d lived so many that they all just blurred together. He didn’t like thinking about the past, if it’s gone it’s gone and that’s how he had lived for so long. And then he got too comfortable, and it came back to bite him in the ass. 

The moment Phil walked in on his son in that awful room, he could feel his heart drop. The stress had suffocated him, it had been horrible. He had never dealt with this before, he avoided history, but now he was in the middle of it.  
“It was never meant to be,” Wilbur had spoken. Those words still haunted and plagued Phils’ minds. If he ever heard someone repeat those words again, he might just rip their tongue out at this point.  
Then came the fire, the screams, and finally the begging. Wilbur’s words pulled at Phil until he caved and plunged the sword through the torso of his only son. The pleas had felt like tar and Phil hated them. He hated this. In all honesty, he hated history. 

After his son's death, there was a rift left in Phil’s heart. Once it had been at ease, at comfort. Then the feeling of comfort, the feeling of knowing that this family member isn’t dead, not yet; had been stripped from him and replaced with guilt so heavy it crushed him.  
Phil would do anything to revive Wilbur if he could if there was a way. He spent countless nights looking, reading, hoping. Nothing came up, Phil started to lose hope, he came to accept the guilt that loomed over him.  
Wilbur had been the only blood-family Phil had known in centuries, and not only had he failed as a parent he had got too attached. After living for so long, you get used to letting go and leaving. Attachment costs too much in the long run. 

Feelings were hard, Phil had forgotten how to feel after living what felt like so many lives, he’d forgotten how to remember. These feelings pulled Phil back down from the clouds and to the floor, so forcefully at that. He had forgotten what genuine laughter felt like, genuine feelings that weren’t fake and forged by his own hands.  
Nothing could hurt more than remembering what you miss. The soft warmth of having someone's fingers in yours, the feeling of laughter that echoed from your lungs to your throat, the feeling of love was something Phil had missed so dearly. Perhaps he’d just forgotten about it though, after being void of it for so long.  
Phil hadn’t missed feelings that overwhelmed you, that suffocated you, feelings that clawed and tore at you. 

He didn’t know how to cope so of course, he pushed the guilt away. He continued the peaceful life of living in the snow with Techno. All Phil knew, for now, was to continue to stay out of history, as he’d always done.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first ever fanfiction so I hope I did a good job. It is a one-shot so it is very short. If you have any feedback please leave it in the comments! I hope you enjoyed this though, I just had immortal Phil brain rot and needed to write about it.


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